A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend."

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have some joints. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river. At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.


He then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?!" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!


The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says "Hey, MONKEY!"
The Monkey looks down and says "FUUUUUCK, DUDE....... how much water did you drink?"

____________________________________________________

 

LIVIN IN THE SKY

I like weed, It gets me high.
Smoke a blunt, And I'm in the sky.
So fry your brain and eat some shrooms,
Cause tonite my buds are gonna bloom.
I can't stand that brick, brown shit,
But gimme some purple bud and I'll take a hit.
Packed two bowls, I'm oh so stoned.
Just one more and it's time to go home.
10 o'clock the very next morn,
I think its time to roll some more korn.
Wake 'n bake is my best treat,
Once I do that it's time to eat.
So all you bitches that dont get high,
Guess you'll never know what its like,
To live in the sky.
_________________________________________________-___

STONER POEM

 

PeAcE, pOt, TeQuLiA sHoT
Jesus LoVeS u, StOnEd Or NoT
sEx, DrUgS, rOcK n RoLl
SpEeD, wEeD, bIrTh CoNtRoL
pArTy HaRd, DrInK bAcArDi
sMoKe A bOwL, hAvE a PaRtY
SmiRnoFfS gOoD, sEx Is HeAvEn
We'Re ThE cLaSs oF 2007!

*StOnAh 4 LyFe*
*SmOkE LiKe ThErEs No ToMoRrOw*

_____________________________________________________

 

We all know that drunks and stoner's have huge differences...
i.e.

A good idea to a drunk would be to run over his DVD player with his truck.
A good Idea to a stoner would be to run over his truck with his DVD player.

When their computer crashes, the most likely thing is...
A drunk will cuss at his computer and probably get pissed off or aggravated.
A stoner will keep clicking and typing for a while until he realizes that he has a computer.

At a party...
A drunk will find it fun to run over to groups of people and tell them he has a twelve-inch penis.
A stoner will find it fun to run over to groups of people and tell them he has a penis.

When driving and accidentally running over someone...
A drunk will try to explain to a cops why he hit the person.
A stoner will be told by cops that he hit a person.

_____________________________________________________